So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
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all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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