Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize