Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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