Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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