This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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