Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize