I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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