even my farts smell like vagina
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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