I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
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I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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