Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Let's get the cat blown out
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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