I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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