you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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