Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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