I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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