Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize