I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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