Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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