TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize