when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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