my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
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Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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