There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
now i know why i became what i already was.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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