She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
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ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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