You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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