idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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