If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
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You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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