So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
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THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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