I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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