awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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