i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
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i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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