her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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