I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize