Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize