Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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