Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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