My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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