Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize