my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
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so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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