just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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