I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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