just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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