I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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