oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize