If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize