This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
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i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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