I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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