it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
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I FOUND THE LEGS
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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