you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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