So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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