Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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