Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize